my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
