Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
