dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
