I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
