hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
