All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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