hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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