why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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