I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
