i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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