k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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