Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
