i need an iv and a liver transplant
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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