he wants to bone in the snuggie
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
