Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
