More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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