our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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