but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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