he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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