I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
