Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
