You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
