I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
