Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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