I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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