She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
