she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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