after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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