I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
