Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Small penises have feelings too.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
