I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
