Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
