dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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