I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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