No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
