My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
