You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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