I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
