Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize