Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
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I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
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So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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