Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
