dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
