fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
