is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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