You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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