just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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