thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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