I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
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Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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