4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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