im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
