You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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