the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
