WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
