I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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