Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it was like having sex with a tree stump
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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