she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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