How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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