Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
