I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
