I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
