Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
