he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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