Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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