those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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