she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
