guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
