there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
