I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
