JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
