so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
