I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
