he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
