The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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