i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
