you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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