there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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