this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
