May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
