yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
