so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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