So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
